1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,529
[Knock on door]

2
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:05,743
Whoo!

3
00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,531
Look at you, hair
done, great skirt,

4
00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:10,966
shoes I could only dream
of squeezing my feet into...

5
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,194
Oh my god, tonight's
the prince concert.

6
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,714
Don't tell me you forgot!

7
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,297
All right, but you'll
have to give me a minute

8
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,280
to make up something else.

9
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,977
Do you know how hard it was to

10
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,374
get these tickets?

11
00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:24,677
My mom's maid waited
in the rain overnight.

12
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,254
I'm so sorry, but
ever since I came up

13
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,592
with the talent search,

14
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,141
I've been working like
a dog on the proposal.

15
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,031
Kai wants details on
every aspect of the project.

16
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,821
You have one great
idea and then you suffer.

17
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,001
Mona, it's going
to be impossible

18
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,003
to find someone

19
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,004
to go to the prince concert

20
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,695
on such short notice.

21
00:00:43,782 --> 00:00:46,662
Hello, hello. Did someone
say, "the prince concert"?

22
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,922
Count mother in. Ooh, luckily,
I'm wearing my new purple

23
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,136
Demi-cup bra,

24
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,745
perfect for throwing
during an encore.

25
00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,116
I didn't know you
were a prince fan.

26
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:57,012
Oh, yes. And you
know I have a thing for

27
00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:00,060
tiny men who gyrate.

28
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:03,717
Your father's very
talented that way.

29
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,942
Come on, let's go, Dee.

30
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:08,332
If I have to stand beside
my bra-less mother

31
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,806
while prince sings purple rain,

32
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,245
you're gonna pay.

33
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:19,249
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

34
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:24,000
♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

35
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,784
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

36
00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,479
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

37
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:29,736
♪ brings out the joy ♪

38
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:33,048
♪ inside of me ♪

39
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,266
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

40
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:38,356
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

41
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:41,836
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

42
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:43,577
♪ you and me ♪

43
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,538
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

44
00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:54,982
I need 5 bucks, I need it now,

45
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:55,941
and you better not be hogging

46
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:58,598
all the splenda.

47
00:01:58,683 --> 00:01:59,823
What's the money for?

48
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:02,772
You just waxed your eyebrows.

49
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,321
The money's for
Harry the accountant's

50
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,781
"hooray, I'm gay" cake.

51
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,735
That would explain
the boyfriend.

52
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,091
Well, congratulations,

53
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,054
you've got another
one on your team.

54
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,743
Please. Harry's got back fat.

55
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,010
No one wants him on their team.

56
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:17,963
Besides, he's like the fifth

57
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,050
person here

58
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:20,115
who's announced they're gay.

59
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,840
Suddenly, it's hot to be homo.

60
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,575
It's like gay is
the new straight.

61
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,016
My people used to be special.

62
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:28,213
We used to come out to silent,

63
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,315
angry parents,

64
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,370
not to celebration
and a sheet cake!

65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,504
So I hope your
proposal's coming along.

66
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:39,941
And when I say "hope,"
I mean "better be."

67
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:41,599
I need to hear
it by next Friday,

68
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,903
before we take
it to the investors.

69
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,249
'Cause if you don't look
good, I don't look good.

70
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:49,520
And I don't think you wanna
know what happens then.

71
00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:50,914
I won't let you down, Kai.

72
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:52,186
I'd find that easier to believe

73
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,905
if you weren't
still standing here.

74
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,484
So, what do you want me
to pick you up for lunch?

75
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,920
Nothing. I'm going with you.

76
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:02,416
That's what you told
me Monday, Tuesday,

77
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,753
and yesterday.

78
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,915
Don't even get me
started on last week.

79
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,189
[Telephone rings]

80
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,665
Well, today, it's
just you and me.

81
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,044
I feel like we haven't
gotten a chance

82
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,450
to catch up in weeks.

83
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,020
And I gotta hear
the work gossip,

84
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,366
I gotta hear the dating gossip,

85
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:16,646
and I gotta answer
that phone or it's

86
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:19,294
gonna drive me crazy.

87
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,773
Mona, you need to slow down.

88
00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:22,272
Can't. Slowing down
is for people who

89
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,589
don't want to succeed.

90
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,011
Besides, do you know
how few people get an

91
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,030
opportunity like this?

92
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:26,948
It's what I've been working my

93
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,382
whole life for.

94
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,859
Uh, you do know I only
have an hour for lunch.

95
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,599
Mona Thorne.

96
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,340
What?

97
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,801
No, no, no, but he's the
best web designer there is.

98
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:36,894
He can't back
out.[Telephone ringing]

99
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,912
We booked him weeks ago.

100
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,661
Hold, please... Mona Thorne.

101
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,073
Yes, that sounds
like a great offer,

102
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:44,962
but I think i'm
gonna have to pass.

103
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:48,180
Ma, I don't need
a swiffer wet jet.

104
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,401
Yes, ma, I know it's rude
to put someone on hold.

105
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,711
Hold, please.

106
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,227
I'm headed out to lunch.

107
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,191
But wait, wait, Spencer, wait.

108
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,499
Pick me up a tuna melt and a

109
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,535
6-pack of red bull.

110
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,162
S'up?

111
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:18,129
S'up with me? S'upwith you?

112
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:21,174
I've decided to go straight.

113
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,181
Straight to what?

114
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,484
Straight to the ladies.

115
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:30,100
Boobies, cha-chas,

116
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,582
the whole shebang.

117
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:35,543
Can you do that?

118
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:39,063
I must. Gay has become passé.

119
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,278
Everyone's doing it,

120
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,497
and I do not swim
in the mainstream.

121
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,846
So say "yo, dawg" to the new me.

122
00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:48,128
I even colored in
a 5 o'clock shadow

123
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,807
to make me look more butch.

124
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,729
Oh, yeah. Nice touch.

125
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:56,304
I thought you were just
wearing darker blush.

126
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,143
And check out the "straight
man" walk I perfected

127
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:01,127
while watching heteros
at the hardware store.

128
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:10,959
You mistake me
for one of your own?

129
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:14,529
Dude, you're gonna
need a lot more than that.

130
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,358
I'm not saying it can be done,

131
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,796
but if you're gonna do
this, we gotta get you right.

132
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,503
Yay! And yay for not being gay!

133
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,502
[Deep voice] Starting now.

134
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,893
[Door opens]

135
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:30,499
Ma, what are you
doing here so late?

136
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,071
I have left you 5 messages

137
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:34,417
and 10 hang-ups
in the last few days.

138
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,808
And I was just about
to leave you this.

139
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,031
"If you're not dead,

140
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,300
you've got a lot of
explaining to do."

141
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,214
Words from a loving mother.

142
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,739
I can't believe
you've got me running

143
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:45,909
across town to leave notes

144
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,057
when I'm trying to
get the house ready

145
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,215
for ray to move in.

146
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:49,874
Ray's actually
moving in with you?

147
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,458
How come you didn't
tell me about that?

148
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,181
I have been trying to.

149
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,135
How's a girl who
has voicemail, email,

150
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,794
and a cell phone not reachable?

151
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,068
I mean you're ringing, buzzing,

152
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,706
and vibrating 24 hours a day.

153
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,375
I'm working, ma, and
you're the one who's always

154
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,405
encouraging me to be successful.

155
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:05,694
Well, I wouldn't
have if I had known

156
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,583
it was going to
cut into my time.

157
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:08,781
Come on, I want you to call me.

158
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:09,853
But you're right here.

159
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,334
Just call me.

160
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,984
If I do, will you go
home and answer it?

161
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,088
[Voicemail] This is Phyllis...

162
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,636
That's me.

163
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:20,877
[Ray's voice] And this is ray...

164
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,902
That's my man.

165
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,861
[Ray and Phyllis] And
we can't come to the

166
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:26,949
phone right now because...

167
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:30,168
We're busy.

168
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:33,349
Oh, my god. I'm
never calling you again.

169
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,086
All right, I've got
to get back to ray.

170
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,437
I can't leave him alone
with the cats just yet.

171
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,567
Eartha kitty's been
giving him the stink-eye.

172
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,493
Bye, ma.

173
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:51,845
[Hip-hop music playing]

174
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:56,024
Hey, Mona! You finally made it.

175
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,421
What do you mean, "finally"?

176
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,814
My Thursday night throwdowns

177
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,476
that I've been begging
you to come to for weeks

178
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:04,897
but you're always busy?
Hence the word "finally."

179
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,079
Oh. That explains all
the bottles of Tequila

180
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,685
in the trash every
Friday morning.

181
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,296
I just thought your
mom was visiting.

182
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:12,997
Please. The only thing my mother

183
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:16,914
imports from Mexico
is her El vicodino.

184
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,961
All right, everyone! Partner up!

185
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,437
We're playing "guess who"

186
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:23,917
as soon as I make another
batch of Dee Dee-tinis.

187
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:28,878
Hey! I said partner up!

188
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:33,150
Hey, Spence. Hey.

189
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,625
So, have you two met?

190
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,496
Oh, sorry. Mona,
this is shaunie.

191
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:39,758
We're together.

192
00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:43,330
Except when we're
not. Then we're apart.

193
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,829
I didn't know you
were seeing someone.

194
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,985
Hey, you said you
were only dating me.

195
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,725
I am, baby.

196
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:51,506
Don't confuse her.

197
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,951
Shaunie and I hooked
up a couple of weeks ago.

198
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,708
I was gonna tell you, but
the only time you're free

199
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,216
is when you're in
the ladies' room.

200
00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,652
I ain't going in there.

201
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,610
Spencer, you're so funny.

202
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,619
Ooh, look. Dee Dee-tinis!

203
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:08,922
I know I definitely need one.

204
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,120
[Deep voice] Hey, Mona,
who's that dime piece

205
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,271
Spencer's with

206
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,500
and how am I gonna
get me some of that?

207
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,452
Ok, you're plaid-free,
you don't reek

208
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,930
of "Tommy girl,"

209
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,910
and there's a thumbprint
in your 5 o'clock shadow.

210
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:21,805
Explain yourself.

211
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:24,242
Hey! Don't smear my beard.

212
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,849
I'm straight now.

213
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,460
Can you do that?

214
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:29,701
[Normal, high-pitch
voice] Why does everybody

215
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,986
keep asking me that?

216
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,556
Because it's the
most ridiculous thing

217
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,860
I've ever heard.

218
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:38,999
Well, I have a date
next week... With a girl!

219
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,693
I met her at the gym.
She has the cutest

220
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:41,961
brother and...

221
00:08:42,043 --> 00:08:43,833
Oops, sorry. Gay lapse.

222
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,610
Anyway, I'm gonna
have my way with her...

223
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:51,231
As soon as I figure
out what goes where.

224
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:53,793
All right, let's start the game.

225
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,971
Mona and Adam will go first.

226
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:59,317
Ok, guess who this person is.

227
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,018
She's blonde, with a uni-brow

228
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,105
and a bad attitude.

229
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,930
Aw, that's so easy.

230
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,281
Yeah, that's so easy!

231
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,890
Can I have 3 more clues?

232
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,461
Time's up. The answer is...

233
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,119
All: Angry pizza girl!

234
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,252
Angry pizza girl?

235
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,904
Yeah, she's always late.

236
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,948
And if you ask for
change, she hisses at you.

237
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,123
Oh, that's right,
Mona wouldn't know.

238
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,519
She's never here.

239
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:25,964
Ok, Spencer and
shaunie, you're up.

240
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,613
Uh, never here, didn't
bring any snacks,

241
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,659
voice mailbox always full.

242
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,175
Mona!

243
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:36,838
Good work, baby!

244
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:39,754
Wow! Shaunie's never
gotten anyone that fast.

245
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,850
Actually, shaunie's
never gotten anyone.

246
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:45,982
Listen, everyone,

247
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,173
I need to make
it an early night,

248
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:48,715
so I'm gonna go.

249
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:49,715
See ya.

250
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,286
Ok, this guy's handsome,

251
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,113
wears shirts with
messages on them,

252
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:56,161
and his name
rhymes with "fencer."

253
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,857
Shaunie: Spencer!
Whoo! I'm 2 for 2!

254
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,896
Let's celebrate with
some Dee Dee-tinis!

255
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,081
[Everyone chattering]

256
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,347
[Knock on door]

257
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:09,963
Good morning. Guess who's here

258
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:10,964
to spend quality time

259
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,125
with her sister?

260
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,660
[Cell phone rings]

261
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,493
Well, that was fun. Can I
at least keep the bagels?

262
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,442
You're thinking of
"workaholic Mona,"

263
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,050
who has no time for anyone.

264
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,401
But I am

265
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,320
"well-rounded Mona"
who ignores her calls

266
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:25,115
and doesn't try to shave
her legs while driving

267
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,316
down the freeway.

268
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:29,239
I'm impressed. And
not just that you're

269
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:30,724
ignoring your phone.

270
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,174
But you also brought
3 different kinds

271
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,756
of cream cheese.

272
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,200
Yeah, whipped, super-whipped,

273
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,066
and "I can't
believe it's not air."

274
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,289
I love the new me.

275
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:40,987
I already made a
scrapbook for Spencer,

276
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,875
crocheted a hat for drew,
promised to help my mom

277
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,773
make room for ray,
and bought us breakfast.

278
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,061
It's amazing what
you can do when

279
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,260
you wake up at 4:30.

280
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,952
Hell, I feel like a
marine! Hoo-ha!

281
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,215
Mona, you've got to help us.

282
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,525
Adam's date with
Elizabeth is tonight.

283
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,012
All you have to
do is pretend to be

284
00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,402
on a date with me,

285
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,054
and I'll pretend to
be attracted to you.

286
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:04,928
Do you have any vodka?

287
00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:06,842
Guys, as much as i'd
love to help with this

288
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:08,227
pointless mission,

289
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:09,429
I have to pick
out an outfit for my

290
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:10,711
presentation.

291
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,170
Plus, I told Dee Dee
I'd make a 5-layer dip

292
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,593
for her party tonight
and I'm only 2 layers in.

293
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,504
Now what are we going to do?

294
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,288
I thought I heard voices.

295
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,553
I'm glad they're
not just in my head.

296
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,546
Hey, what's up, big Dee Dee?

297
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:23,858
You do remember Adam, right?

298
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,474
Let's say I do.

299
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,465
Maybe she could help
me role-play for my date.

300
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,137
Adam, big Dee Dee
is a very busy woman...

301
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,167
Who loves a
challenge. Especially an

302
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:33,476
acting challenge.

303
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,522
You're looking at the
casa grande players'

304
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,957
original blanche du bois.

305
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,385
Now, set the scene.

306
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,181
What kind of date
are you preparing for?

307
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,365
It's his first date with a
woman. He's going straight.

308
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:47,048
Ah, my specialty.

309
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:48,811
I have helped many a
young, hairless chorus boy

310
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,928
try to become a little
less light in the capezios.

311
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,275
Take a spin.

312
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:56,495
Adam, sit.

313
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:58,145
Not like that.

314
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,759
Or that.

315
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,979
Good.

316
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:04,028
Spencer, dear... Turn around.

317
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:09,786
There are some
mistakes a man can make

318
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,686
that even diamonds
can't make up for.

319
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,344
Staring at another
man's buttocks

320
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:14,688
is one of them.

321
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,127
Look at me.

322
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,743
Look here... And here.

323
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,304
Here and here.

324
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,570
More here than here.
More here than here.

325
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,613
60% here, 40% here.

326
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:27,089
Spencer: Man, I usually
get slapped for that.

327
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:31,452
Now, remember,
women love to hear men

328
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,233
brag about money,
power, and cars.

329
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,927
I don't have a nice car.

330
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,625
Then brag about mine.
It's an Aston-Martin.

331
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:40,463
Equally important,
don't order a salad...

332
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,502
Only meat and potatoes will do.

333
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:43,957
Don't get an
umbrella in your drink,

334
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,340
lose the manicure,
the glossy lips,

335
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,903
and for god's sake,
burn that revolting

336
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,773
track suit.

337
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,989
But it's just like mine.

338
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:55,595
When I'm done with
him, I'll start with you.

339
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,297
God, you're bossy.

340
00:12:57,385 --> 00:13:00,035
I think i'm falling in love.

341
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:02,127
They all do.

342
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:08,739
Ok, everyone, it's game time.

343
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,751
So, Mona, ready
to play "questions"?

344
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:16,014
Huh? Oh, "questions."
How do you play that?

345
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:19,489
Ok. Spencer, can you and
shaunie untwist yourselves

346
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:22,021
and show Mona how to play?

347
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:26,755
Hey! You two, I
said demonstrate!

348
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,849
All right, Mona,
someone asks a question,

349
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:32,029
then immediately you have
to ask another question.

350
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,545
If you hesitate or answer,

351
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,118
then you have to take a drink.

352
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,285
Check it out. Shaunie,

353
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,511
have I told you how
fine you look tonight?

354
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,731
Spencer, have I told you

355
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,340
I can't wait to get
you alone tonight?

356
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:45,040
Shaunie, have you seen
Dee Dee's bedroom?

357
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:47,778
Spencer, will you show
me Dee Dee's bedroom?

358
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:51,530
I'm out.

359
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,183
Oh, hell, no.

360
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,705
Can you please stop
staring at my boobs?

361
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:05,147
Oh, lady, there's
no pleasing you.

362
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,675
Dee Dee, have you
ever been to Italy?

363
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:07,845
Mona, are those new shoes?

364
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,134
Sorry, guys, I just need to send

365
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,332
Kai this one email

366
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:11,984
about the presentation
tomorrow...

367
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,228
Everyone: Drink! Drink! Drink!

368
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,807
No, hey, hey, hey!

369
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,377
I didn't know we
were still playing.

370
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,214
Well, we are and
you lost. Again.

371
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:22,172
Everyone: Drink! Drink! Drink!

372
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:25,562
Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Whoo!

373
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,390
Can I get two double martinis?

374
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:32,517
What do you want to drink?

375
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,310
[Chain of foolsplays]

376
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:38,966
♪ I'm just a link
in your chain ♪

377
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,882
Wow! Mona looks incredible,

378
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:43,187
she's such a cool
boss, andshe can sing.

379
00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:44,933
Take a break from
kissing butt, Dave.

380
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,674
You're out of the office.

381
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,236
Actually, except
for the singing part,

382
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,283
I'm somewhat serious.

383
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,978
She really comes
alive after midnight.

384
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:57,027
♪ Chain, chain, chain ♪

385
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,943
What?

386
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:01,118
Mona, it's 2 A.M.

387
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,494
Don't forget you've
got a big meeting in,

388
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,900
like, 7 hours.

389
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,470
You forget who
you're dealing with.

390
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:10,036
I'm "well-rounded"
Mona. I can hang!

391
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,964
[Glass shatters]

392
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:22,917
Oh, please tell me it's
daylight savings time.

393
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,494
Ok, I have two
announcements to make.

394
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:30,189
1... there's no
sign of Mona yet;

395
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:34,847
and 2... I'm here, I'm
queer, get used to it again.

396
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,627
I take it your
date didn't go well.

397
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,420
Go well? She was
blonde, gorgeous,

398
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,074
breasts bigger than my head.

399
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,989
It was a nightmare.

400
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,205
Hey, sorry, I'm late...

401
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:52,035
Clean-up on aisle 5!

402
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,275
Wow. I'm surprised
you made it in

403
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,480
after last night.

404
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:56,042
Hey, if I don't
impress Kai with this,

405
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,535
she'll pull the plug
on the whole project.

406
00:15:57,565 --> 00:16:00,655
I might never think of
an idea this good again.

407
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,482
Well, I know you can do it.

408
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,620
[Whispering] Your
skirt's on backwards.

409
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:07,142
Look who's here... Finally.

410
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,877
Sorry I'm starting late.

411
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,708
Save sorry for
later. Get to it, Mona.

412
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,408
Um...

413
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:16,932
Hmm...

414
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:19,669
So, in conclusion...

415
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:24,031
Sorry, wait, just be a second.

416
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:27,123
You know what?
I don't need these.

417
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,423
I know this.

418
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,549
Um...

419
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:33,731
The delicious talent search
is important for 3 reasons:

420
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:36,558
1... it allows us
access to musical talent

421
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:37,907
like we've never had before;

422
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,647
b... it gives us... ooh,

423
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,777
wait, was I using
letters or numbers?

424
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:43,941
You know, I guess
it doesn't matter.

425
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:47,959
Uh, 4... and most important...

426
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,050
Give me a minute.

427
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:53,875
It'll come to me.

428
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,409
You know what,
if you're on board

429
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:56,582
with reasons 1 and 2,

430
00:16:56,667 --> 00:17:00,107
then 3 really
doesn't matter, right?

431
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:03,813
I didn't tank this
bad on my date.

432
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:06,332
Listen, it's a good idea.

433
00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:08,026
It makes financial
sense. Let's just

434
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,204
do the damn thing.

435
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:13,640
I say we take 5. Which
means, get out. Now!

436
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:17,118
Run! Mona, you stay.

437
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,540
I've got first dibs
on Mona's office.

438
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:22,219
Too late. I already
licked her desk.

439
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,632
[Sigh] You're lucky
you only bombed

440
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,131
in front of me.

441
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,238
What if this had happened
in front of the investors?

442
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,313
What's going on?

443
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:29,915
I just feel like
there's not enough

444
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,305
of me to go around.

445
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,008
I mean I'm exhausted
trying to keep my

446
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,395
friends and family happy.

447
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,288
I'm over-caffeinated
trying to keep you happy.

448
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:38,746
You don't have
to explain it to me.

449
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,410
I'm so relieved you understand.

450
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,714
No. I mean you don't
have to explain it to me

451
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,980
because I don't care.

452
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,646
I knew there was trouble
when you walked in wearing

453
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,976
two different boots.

454
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,161
I told you it's almost
impossible to be social

455
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:56,858
andsuccessful.

456
00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:58,205
I can do this, Kai.

457
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,084
And you will... tonight.

458
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,876
I'm giving you one more
chance to prove to me

459
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:04,336
that this is the way I should
be spending my money.

460
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:07,091
So, what would you
like to order in for dinner,

461
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,703
Thai or Italian?

462
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,923
Guess I'm not gonna be
able to help my mom move

463
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:11,922
her stuff to storage.

464
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:14,403
You guessed right.

465
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:17,794
And right now, I'd be
more afraid of me than her.

466
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,759
I don't know. Sometimes
my mom's really scary...

467
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,097
You know, Thai is good.

468
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,200
[Sigh] Mom, what
are you doing here?

469
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,080
I wanted to show you
the permanent hunch I got

470
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:33,498
from carrying all my
boxes to storage. By myself.

471
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,200
I'm sorry. I told you,
I got held up at work.

472
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,249
And I got held up in
labor for 24 hours with

473
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,644
a broad-shouldered baby,

474
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:43,207
but I still came through.

475
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,726
Oh, good. Your
chicken. I'm starving.

476
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,950
Don't you touch my
"moving day fried chicken."

477
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,700
You know the rules...
No workin', no chicken.

478
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:54,133
Then why did you bring it?

479
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,870
Just so you could
see what you missed.

480
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,400
[Knock on door]

481
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,045
Oh, hey, Phyllis.

482
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,049
Ooh, is that your
famous fried chicken?

483
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,661
May I have a piece?

484
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:06,931
Sure can, baby. I'll
leave it right by your door.

485
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,665
This has been
the worst day ever.

486
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,536
My mom told me.

487
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,187
Adam called her
and filled her in about

488
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,721
the presentation.

489
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,984
Well, I've learned a lesson
about balancing family,

490
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,157
friends, and career:

491
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,723
It can't be done.

492
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,939
Don't be so hard on yourself.

493
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,989
Nobody can do it all.

494
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,554
Except for me and Kelly ripa.

495
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:27,821
But we've set the
bar impossibly high.

496
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,905
Mona, you've worked
hard to get where you are,

497
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,214
and it's ok to be
focused on that.

498
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,171
Yeah, but what if I
look up and I've got

499
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,090
this awesome career,

500
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,125
but no friends or
family to enjoy it with?

501
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,531
The people who
matter will always

502
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,274
be here for you.

503
00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:43,745
That's the beauty of family...

504
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:44,844
They never leave.

505
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,012
Even when you want them to.

506
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,019
Thanks, Dee Dee.

507
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,803
Just don't give up on me.

508
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,018
Keep inviting me
to your parties,

509
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,757
even if I have to say no.

510
00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,018
Of course I will.

511
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,901
And if there's
anything else I can

512
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,253
do, you let me know.

513
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,942
My freakish
organizational skills

514
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,339
should not be wasted on just me.

515
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:10,033
So, how about coming to
my party Thursday night?

516
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:48,943
Woman: Woohoo! [Giggles]

517
00:20:48,993 --> 00:20:53,543
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